How to Not Get Robbed in Sevilla

Step One: Avoid going to Sevilla.
Step Two (Assuming you've bypassed Step One): Avoid the most touristy locations.
Step Three: If you must be a tourist, at least avoid these locations at siesta time (3-5 pm) when the only people out are tourists and thieves.
Step Four: If you must be in a touristy location at siesta time, certainly keep track of your personal belongings at all times. For instance, avoid looking away from your bag, especially if you do not have an arm through the straps (scratch that: always have an arm through your bag straps, no matter what).
Step Five: Avoid being distracted by things like seeing your boyfriend for the first time in three months.
Step Six: Enjoy the peace of mind you now have about not being robbed in Sevilla!

Of course, I did this research the hard way and, as Mom likes to say during Mini-Golf when the colorful ball narrowly misses the hole, I wuz ROBBED. (Echoes of Mom's gangster "You wuz ROBBED!" now usher forth). Patrick, the aforementioned hadn't-seen-him-in-three-months-boyfriend, and I were in the Plaza Espana around 4 pm, we were eating truffles, and some guy distracted us with some bullshit question about directions while his pal made off with my bag. I noticed immediately and Patrick took off running. I stayed behind with Patrick's stuff in near panic ("Oh shit, my wallet...oh shit, my cellphone...oh shit, my iPod...oh SHIT my passport"). A few minutes later, Patrick reappeared disheveled, bagless. Then a shout from behind him, he went off running again, and reappeared a minute later, bagful. I almost cried with joy. Did I actually cry? It's likely. Everything was in my bag except my wallet, which was something I could deal with losing (no credit cards, not much money, etc).

Patrick explained, as we, exhausted, found a bus back to Arcos (good ol' safe Arcos) that he chased the thief across extremely busy streets of traffic and hedges, shouting "Thief!!" extremely loudly all the while. When the thief dropped my unnecessarily heavy bag (thinking he'd made off with the most important thing by taking my wallet), some kind shopkeeper noticed and made sure the bag got back to Patrick.

So, Step One of How to Deal With Getting Robbed in Sevilla: Find a hero and keep him close by.